Series finale of "Dragon Tattoo" series....peace out, Salander.

I finally finished "Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest." I am thrilled.

Don't get me wrong - I loved the series. I spent many hours of my life devouring those books, and even though they drove me nuts at times, I still enjoyed them. But I am so happy to be done - to wash my hands of them, because I've become a little too Lisbeth Salander-ish lately, and I don't want to make it a habit.

So, the backstory is, I have been training for a marathon - running, working, and keeping up my own personal relationships was a juggling act. But I was handling it, and quite well, I thought. All the while, I was reading these books about the little woman who kicks butt and takes names. I was getting stronger. I felt powerful.

Lisbeth Salander did what she pleased and got away with it. And although she was a victim, she also kicked major ass and eventually beat all of those who threatened her. This summer, as I was training, I felt stronger and more alive, and the more I read about Salander's adventures as this stoic, un-apologetic version of a normal (whatever that means) woman, the more I began to feel like her. I was loving it.

Then, about 6 weeks ago, I got injured in my left hip, probably just from over-using it. Suddenly, I wasn't so strong anymore. This super-human woman that I'd become kinda came crashing down in my mind, and suddenly, I didn't feel like such a bad-ass. Instead, I felt weak. To make myself feel better, I've become rather...disconnected. I've been spending more time alone, and tend to tune out in front of the TV rather than see friends or do something productive.

I started to see in myself another side of Salander. What would Salander do if something she'd been working on, striving for, and believe in suddenly seemed to...disappear? Of course, she'd be completely withdrawn and non-chalant about the whole thing, taking it in stride, gloriously disconnected from her own emotions. A whole world of craziness could be taking place in her pocket, and she'd just flick it away.

I have discovered that this is the part of Salander that makes me cringe. As much as I have talked about admiring her, I realize now, that I ultimately - well, I ultimately don't. Disconnecting from my emotions and disappointment about my injury has only spun me deeper into a blah world of nothing-ness. So not me. I like to feel things, to talk about them, and to air what's happening in my brain, rather than lock it up, and store it, and tighten so that I become an emotion-less robot. I'd rather feel something than nothing.

Tonight I finally talked about how bummed I am about the marathon with Matt, and I feel better now. More...connected. If Lisbeth Salander were actually a real person, I'd wish the same for her too.